


running up that hill

by Stein



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Hurt, M/M, Monsta X Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7736404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stein/pseuds/Stein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sight of Gun’s concerned eyes make him <em>ache</em> inside. Not the good kind of ache, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	running up that hill

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Placebo. _~~i know²~~_
> 
> The prompt I got was amnesia au. Initially the plot that came to my mind was completely different. but then things got out of control and I have no idea what happened D:
> 
> Anyway.  
> It's not a happy story. I'm sorry D:

 

 

 

_“Hey, man. You’ve got a weird expression on your face. Did anything happen?” the sight of Gun’s concerned eyes make him ache inside. Not the good kind of ache, either._

**_It’s not fair_ ** _, Jooheon thinks. He doesn’t deserve this. Gun doesn’t deserve this. His brother, his friend, the man he_ **_lov_  ** _–_

_“Nah. Just a bit tired, that’s all.”_

 

Objectively, Jooheon doesn’t think it’s fair — not to him, not to Gun, not to anyone. It started off as something no one would care too much about, and it should’ve stayed that way. Where did I put the keys, where did that shirt go, which day am I supposed to go to the dentist — easily forgettable things and not something to get overly worried about; Gun said it himself, a lot of times. One too many times, actually, and Jooheon should’ve seen it, should’ve prevented it somehow, because it’s not as if he hasn’t known Gun since _forever_ , it’s not as if he couldn’t have paid more attention.

Worst thing is, none of their friends blame him. None of them is _angry_ , none of them is even mad at him, even though everyone knows it’s his fault. Not even Gun’s _mom_ is resented, and that’s something — that’s something Jooheon can’t cope with. Realistically and deep, deep down, he knows there’s nothing he can do to stop it, but it’s not as if he can stop the unshakable, unforgiving _guilt_ that assaults him whenever anyone so much as looks at him because _it was his only job_ . The only thing he’s ever wanted, the only thing he’s ever needed to do: to protect the ones he loves, and Gun was so far up the list Jooheon can’t even begin to _explain_ — and yet he failed miserably.

It’s a month after Gun’s 28th birthday party he starts forgetting things. Two more months before he gets lost on his way back home and needs to call Jooheon to pick him up. One more week before he goes see the doctor — who’ll only tell them scientific term after scientific term, nothing can be done, nothing can be done, and Jooheon’s world _crashes_. A year after and he can barely remember the fact that they used to be together. Jooheon’s trying, he really is, and he honestly thinks he’s doing pretty good for someone whose dreams were mercilessly crushed, even though there’s so much a person can take before they break — but it’s not enough.

Objectively, he doesn’t think it’s fair. Realistically, he knows he’ll wake up one day to find out Gun doesn’t remember him anymore.

 


End file.
